"Quantities are limited—there is only one bottle of several of these rarities—and prices are unbeatable." - Boy, where to start with this one. This one is more if a behind the curtain reveal than anything. Anytime a retailer says in an e-mail that quantities are limited that is 99% of the time bogus. Sometimes quantities may indeed be limited but more than not they are not limited in any way, shape or form and it is just the retailer posturing that he has extremely rare wine to attract interest. So retailer X can send out ten e-mails in a row for different wines and one of the e-mails is actually for limited quantities but in order to sell all the wine in those ten e-mails, retailer X needs to say they are all limited quantities. So the key is, to avoid this, foment the relationship with the retailer where you ask them if they are bullshitting you or not. The other part of this sentence that is ambiguous is the sentence that there is one bottle or two bottles left of these rarities. That line says a lot if you read between the lines. Usually a retailer will send out an e-mail on wines they only have one or two bottles of if the margin is very HEALTHY. If they sell two bottle of the stuff they can make much more than selling 30 cases of some Rosso Toscana. So be careful with that one too and the key to being a thrifty consumer is ask questions. Right now in this market retailers are so desperate for sales on wines that they will say or do anything regardless if it the truth or not.
"And they're wines you'll love, if you really love Burgundy." - This is easy. This means the wines have no fruit and are for connoisseurs who really like wine region x. Indeed there are some customers who will like fruitless Burgundy, but if you are just looking for a fruit bomb or a classic Burg from a ripe vintage like 1999, 2002 or 2005 avoid this offer at all costs! This is something that should be sent to a subset of the customer base that maybe buys Burgundy or something, not to the whole list. It immediately alienates all the clients who don't love Burgundy, or the clients who like Burgundy because of fruit and oak (Dugat, Perrot-Minnot etc.)
"For a classic Burgundy or Bordeaux drinker looking for finesse and elegance and richness... this wine has it--IN SPADES. Not just over the top... this has flat out Balance!" Hmmmm....you may ask what is this over the top quote describing. Some $30.00 95 point Jay Miller spoofy Spanish wine. Talk about dishonest advertising . . .this might take the cake. The wine is a blend of half Monastrell and half Petit Verdot. Of course that is what I think of when I am drinking my Fourrier Gevrey. Or my Poujeax. As I drink my Poujeax all I can think is "Wow...this really reminds of that 95 pt Jay Miller Spanish wine that is lavished with new oak and is 15% alcohol. I mean whoever wrote this does not live in reality and only cares about selling the wine and will say anything to do it. So dishonest. At least say this is like Napa Cab or something from Australia. I can maybe see it being similar tom Pavie or Gracia or any number of spoofy right bank wines. Be honest!!
This could make a fun game: match the email to the retailer!
ReplyDeleteOf course, there is only one super-obvious entry here. Numbers one and two could be written by almost any store (they're fairly generic sounding). But number three? There is one (and only one) possible author for this, the style is unmistakable.
And while I agree with your assessment that this is most likely not an appropriate way to describe that kind of wine, I doubt its author felt he was lying.
I agree with Jill. You know how some people get so wrapped up in the hyperbole of their enthusiasm and their pitch that they really start believing it themselves? Retailer behind the 3rd entry, I believe, is one of these folks.
ReplyDeleteOh, and by the way that was some really good advice for people about getting the truth from your retailer. In my case, if we send out an email (and we send out tons) and a customer asks for feedback on a particular wine, I'll give them an honest answer - guaging their palate and, if asked, letting them know what I think of a wine. Even if I think it sucks, it's overrated, etc. In-store customers respect honesty and value the opinions of professionals who work with wine on a daily basis.
And you know what? Online customers who buy wines blind based off of emails, without having a better idea of what the wine is, how it's made, and how it fits (or not) into their palate preferences, who just want a low price on a highly rated wine and a free shipping deal,these types of customers deserve to be disappointed with their purchase. Wine is an agricultural product, not a piece of electronics. Learn about wine, talk to people about it, find a good local store, if you're lucky enough to travel to somewhere near wine country, check out the vineyards and talk to winemakers.
Sorry for the long comment, Lyle, but obviously I have some strong opinions when it comes to this stuff.
Check this out - the minute, no the very second I finish this diatribe, my blackberry buzzes with an email from guess who pushing 90+ pre-sale values?
ReplyDeleteJill and Joe,
ReplyDeleteVery perceptive you are.
Also very perceptive comments about if you lie enough you start to believe it, Did we just deal with eight years of that in Washington?
Joe,
Awesome point about the whole electronics thing. They deserve to be pissed off but they are also the first people to complain if they did not like the wine. Oy! And the long comment is much appreciated.
I'll guess....
ReplyDeleteVinFolio
Burgundy Wine Company
Wine Library
Hey Anon,
ReplyDeleteYou ITB?